Just Curious About Nature and Animals, Jeeves

Chapter One: Hey, Hey We're the MonkeysThe Family's TreeAre gorillas a type of ape, or are apes gorillas? Are monkeys and apes the same thing? Are humans considered apes? Are simians different from primates? Help, Jeeves, I'm so confused! You're not alone, my anthropoid friend. Let's lay it out with a minimum of screeching, howling, and chest-beating:Primatesare human beings and all of the other animals that resemble us most closely.Primateshave two main groups:anthropoidsandprosimians.1. Anthropoidsinclude:Monkeys.New World monkeys live in South and Central America and include marmosets, tamarins, capuchins, howlers, spider monkeys, squirrel monkeys, woolly monkeys, and even woolly spider monkeys. Old World monkeys live in Asia and Africa and include baboons, colobus monkeys, guenons, langurs, and macaques.Apes.There are four major ape groupings -- chimpanzees, gibbons, gorillas, and orangutans. Apes have no tails and are smarter than monkeys. Apes walk in an upright position instead of on four feet like monkeys. Apes actually climb trees; monkeys take a leap into them.Humans.It's pretty much just custom, religious dogma, and species egotism that keep people from proudly classifying themselves as apes. Most scientists don't make that distinction.By the way, if you exclude the humans from the above group, the apes and monkeys you have left are known assimians.2. Prosimiansinclude a number of lesser-known animals like aye-ayes, galagos, lemurs, lorises, pottos, and tarsiers.Prosimiimeans "premonkey" -- in other words, they closely resemble the primitive primates that lived tens of millions of years ago before monkeys, apes, and humans began to evolve. Physically, prosimians have long, constantly wet noses like foxes instead of the flatter, drier noses of the anthropoids. Smell is more crucial to the prosimians, while anthropoids depend more on vision. Finally, the prosimians are not as strong or smart as the anthropoids.Not counting the lemurs, which are lucky enough to be isolated on the island of Madagascar, most of the prosimians have to directly compete for food with better-equipped monkeys and apes. In order to survive, prosimians became nocturnal hunters that scrounge for food while their larger, smarter cousins sleep.Not So Smart SmartWhat doesHomo sapiensmean? "Wise human." That's already a fairly ironic joke, considering. However, it gets better: because anthropologists have identified other ancient subspecies of Homo sapiens (for example, Homo sapiens neandertalensis), modern humans are now known as Homo sapiens sapiens. That, of course, means "wise wise human," which seems to be really overstating the matter.What was the Neanderthal man named after? The first fossils of our long-dead relative were discovered in 1856 in the Neander Thal ("Neander Valley") in Germany, so he became known as Neanderthal Man. The Neander Thal was named in honor of a minister and hymn writer, Joachim Neumann, who used to frequent the valley on nature walks in the late 17th century. So why didn't they call the valley Neumann Thal? Deciding to use a pseudonym for his hymns, Neumann (whose name means "new man" in German) translated his name into Greek and got Neander, which is the name by which he became well known. It became a strange coincidence that "New Man Valley" was named long before a new subspecies of man was discovered there.Primate ColorsDo apes and monkeys see the same colors as humans? Pretty much. Many of the New World monkeys are an exception to the rule -- they don't see red that well, giving their world a blue, green, and gold hue.Are they calMingo, Jack is the author of 'Just Curious About Nature and Animals, Jeeves' with ISBN 9780743427104 and ISBN 0743427106.