Anatomy of a Boyfriend

PART I 1 My best friend, Amy, wants to wait until college to "do it," but until then she'll do "everything but" with boys she thinks are cute and have good bodies. She thinks lots of boys are cute and have good bodies. One of Amy's favorite activities is scoping out the jocks at the annual seniors versus teachers football game at East Fort Myers High, which everyone calls EFM. It's the largest local public school, and as lame as it sounds, this game is the hottest ticket in town the day after Christmas. I couldn't care less about sports, let alone ogling athletes, and a school is the last place I want to be during winter break. But I'm tagging along this year because I've been holed up in my room all week finishing college applications, and I desperately need a change of scenery. Not surprisingly, Amy's boy-crazy jabbering makes it impossible even to pretend to focus on the game. "See him?" she asks me while pointing to one of the senior team's broad-shouldered linebackers, who's also in her woodworking class. "I had this amazingly intense dream about him last night. We were in this, like, psychedelic art studio, and I was posing nude for him" "Amy!" I cut her off. We're sitting on the bleachers one row ahead of a pack of pervy-looking freshmen, and I know they're eavesdropping. "What?" she looks at me innocently. "It was really hot! Then he knocked over his easel, tore off his overalls, and said, 'My canvas is your body, and my paintbrush is my peni' " "Shhh!" I almost choke on my hot dog as I press my hand over Amy's mouth. "First of all, gross! Second of all, the entire population of Florida does not need to know this." I motion with my eyes to the cackling pervs behind us. "Can you please tone it down?" Amy tears my hand away. "Oh, c'mon, Dominique. You sound like a librarian . . . and not the kinky kind." She grins at me mischievously before turning her attention to the buff, freckled junior on her right. I just roll my eyes in resignation. If we weren't in a public place, I wouldn't mind hearing the steamy details of Amy's dream. That's the key to our friendshipwe can be open with each other past the point of too much information. She ends up doing most of the talking, though, since she has a lot more experience to draw from. But the fact that I'm probably the only seventeen-year- old in Fort Myers who hasn't French-kissed a guy yet does not mean I'm a prude. My dreams at night can get just as X-rated as Amy's, and sure, I guess I'd like to have a boyfriend. I just wouldn't want to hook up with a guy unless I really, really like him, and in my experience all boys can be classified as either assholes or bores, unless they're both. Maybe it's a blessing, because the last thing I need is relationship drama to sidetrack me from my grades. Amy, on the other hand, has never been the studious type but still managed to score an early acceptance to Amherst College. She's a master painter and graphic artist, which makes sense given her expressive, exhibitionistic personality. I'm way more introverted. My biggie Sprite makes itself known a few minutes into the third quarter. I maneuver my way down the bleachers toward the row of light blue Porta Pottis behind the end zone, but when I get to ground level I see I have competition. A chunky mom type with a bulging fanny pack is waddling in the direction of the only uSnadowsky, Daria is the author of 'Anatomy of a Boyfriend ', published 2007 under ISBN 9780385903394 and ISBN 0385903391.